U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
