Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
