I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
