I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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