he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
