Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
