My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he was CRYING into my vagina
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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