I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
