We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
