she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
