You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
