If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
