I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
