Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
