dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
