in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
