no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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