matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize