I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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