we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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