It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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