I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize