if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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