Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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