if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
