Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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