i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
