Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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