We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
