it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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