mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
