In the future we'll all be gay
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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