how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
