Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
