Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
