Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
