It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
