If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
