Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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