Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
