If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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