Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
