Umm I'm too high to move.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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