go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
