Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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