She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
