I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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