so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
