dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've blown a few things in my day
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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