Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
