I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
