That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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