I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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