But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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