You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
