I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just pee around me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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