i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
