He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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