It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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