Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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