Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize