I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
