Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
