just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's blow job season.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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