is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
