She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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