SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
