'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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