At least make sure they are 18
Why
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
