shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
