i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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