when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
