When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize