i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
