she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
