I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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