I molested 6 butterflies tonight
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i think i just lost a toe
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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