I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
